It’s a source of distant amusement for me the way men parade around championing the idea that a man won’t commit if he’s getting everything he wants in a relationship without commitment. (I overheard yesterday a man loudly informing a woman, “Why would he commit? He’s already getting everything he wants from you! You gave him the benefits of a relationship without the restrictions!”)
Commitment in itself is a desirable element—it is not a byproduct. I’ve seen men deeply unhappy because the woman from whom they were getting literally everything else they could want refuses to commit. I’ve seen them straightup state that “it isn’t the same” with hollow looks. Because the fact of the matter is, without commitment, you’re not getting everything you want in a relationship.
Never listen to a man’s advice about what he wants. That’s partially satire because it’s always said about us, but I’m also kind of serious—misogynistic men are rarely if ever attuned to their own needs, and women, not men, who are the ones who have reasons to avoid marriage. It literally kills us. I’m extra smug about it when I hear men complain that they feel women are out to “trick” them into commitment. Notice the self-victimizing language in order to avoid responsibility for one’s own feelings or come to terms with reality that they exist. Especially considering that a great number of girls in the world actually ARE forced into marriage. There’s not a person on earth who actually wants someone by force. (Unless that person is a man, and we all know men aren’t people.) You really have to be this delusional to function within the parameters of masculinity.