I am issuing a fatwa on bananas.*

I despise bananas. I hate the texture, I hate the slimy stickiness, I hate those strings that hang off of them, I hate how they make everything around them reek of their insufferable stench, and I hate that different areas of them can rot at different times and you have to knife it out.**

Fruits that are great: starfruit, pomegranate, strawberries, seedless grapes, pineapple, kiwi, lemon, berries, fruit salad with cream

*Calm down. This is a joke.

**The banana hating is not a joke. It is siriouz bizznizz.