25 things.

It has been pointed out to me that I write about myself infrequently and too briefly, and in the rare occasions I do, I deter attention to myself with humor. (Even the about me section of this website is tongue-in-cheek.) So, following my 25th birthday, which was on March 8th—happy International Women’s Day!, here is a serious list of 25 things about me, without a single witty remark. You can imagine the difficulty.

  1. Despite what appears here, I am always aware of the opposing point of view.
  2. I cry easily at movies, though quietly. I’m moved by human suffering, and prone to escapist behavior. I absorb a lot from my environment.
  3. I have a tremendous urge to forgive easily. I cut people out of my life if I fear I will forgive them, and, for my own wellbeing, should not forgive them because the cycle will repeat. This is where my ability to be objective (and detach myself from the emotional inclination toward forgiveness) saves me.
  4. My sense of humor is mischievous, sometimes.
  5. I’m singlehandedly motivated by my own unfamiliarity. When I don’t know how something works—like gorgeous music, or poignant writing (I don’t think of these as subjects, but qualities of existence)—it is a literal pain in my heart.
  6. I approach people the same way.
  7. I am practically allergic to planners and schedules. I like the idea of them. And I’ve tried them, I really have. I’m never able to commit to them.
  8. Letting someone get to know me expends a lot of energy for me. In this way it’s an investment, so unless I see our friendship lasting, it’s one that I rarely make. If, when we speak, we’re mostly discussing you, it still means I care about you—just not enough for me to expend the energy required to talk about myself. For example, this post is already exhausting. Everyone thinks I’m a “listener” at first.
  9. I’m dreamy, sensitive, and restless. It’s natural for me to find passion and pursue it, but I tend to focus on multiple goals at a time, even when it’s overwhelming. When there’s nothing to do, I’m exhausted. But if there’s plenty, I’m a powerhouse.
  10. (In real life) I’m soft and yielding. And very ardent.
  11. I have a need for space and personal freedom. Feeling as though I can’t go anywhere is psychologically suffocating.
  12. I laugh at myself. A lot. At my own expense.
  13. Patience is not my forte.
  14. I can disassociate myself from the pain I’m feeling, as long as it is physical or psychological. It is difficult to accomplish this with emotional pain. I’m anxious.
  15. I take risks, both financially and in general. Fortunately, I have a caution against debt which enforces a safety net. I can be inventive when earning money, but I spend impulsively.
  16. I can stand my ground against figures of authority, and unreasonable external pressures typically don’t faze me. Sometimes I will risk losing everything and starting from scratch rather than “giving in.”
  17. I like to throw myself into the unknown.
  18. I date on weeknights rather than weekends. I’m demonstrative in love, and affectionate by nature.
  19. I’m adept at analysis and research, and I can make necessary decisions rapidly.
  20. I’m intense, and very discerning.
  21. For some reason I have the appearance of traveling a lot, but I actually travel little, even though I enjoy it. Or at least, I stay in several places for shorter periods of time. I suspect, somehow, that I was destined for a career in international affairs. It’s something I have in the back of my mind, and intend to–finally!–pursue.
  22. I was destined, but not fated, to leave home at an early age. I know this in my bones.
  23. I don’t disclose my plans unless they are underway. Because of this they appear rather sudden, and I’m often treated to a surprised reaction once they are known.
  24. I’m very critical of myself, both morally and in terms of how much I’ve accomplished in life. I overthink everything. No one is allowed to tell me this, though. I will make a face at them.
  25. I really do find beauty in everything, to the point where it’s unbearable to me. Sometimes I have to force myself not to notice how lovely a sky is, or architecture, etc. because it hurts me and I don’t want to alarm anyone by bursting into tears. I have a “that’s not that great, it’s just okay” face to conceal what an overly romantic loser I am.

There was a solar eclipse on the 8th! I was not able to view it from the western hemisphere (I had been in Santiago at the time), so I hope those of you in/around Asia were able to enjoy it!

xLove,Nahida

2016.

Beloved readers,

The Earth has come around the Sun again, and I have come around, and around, and around Faith, because like celestial spheres we Love in circles. If it pleases God, those of us in pieces this past year will find ourselves whole again, because even the universe, in pieces once, became whole planets, and stars, and if you are still—a rogue planet, know that this orbit isn’t nonexistent, but merely wider than you can decipher, and like clouds of lithium, deuterium, helium, we are shifting still, like stellar fusion, into the sparkling Heavens.

With love,
Nahida

Nahida is 24.

Tomorrow is International [Working] Women’s Day, and, less importantly, my 24th birthday. I think the last time I wrote a birthday post is when I turned 21.

The amount of time it takes Nahida to respond to your messages.
The amount of time it takes Nahida to respond to your messages.

In any case, I’m quite relieved with 24. It feels different, kind of fuller. I don’t think I’ve ever felt “different” about a birthday before. (Of course, that may be because it hasn’t passed yet and tomorrow at 10:10PM I’ll find I feel exactly the same after all.) One of my friends has suggested that since it’s been some time since I wrote a post listing things about me, I should do it here. So I will. Here are three things.

1. My favorite words (in this order) are jaan, habibi, and harlot. You’ve got to love the word harlot. Because it’s funny and ridiculous, and it sounds like a vegetable.

2. Speaking of words, I was once “advised” to italicize all foreign words in my writing, because it’s “proper format.” The next day, I turned in an essay with all the English words italicized. I was never asked again.

3. Sometimes I blame myself for things I shouldn’t because, if an unfortunate turn of events can be my fault, it must mean I have control over the outcome.

For those who remember my last birthday post three years ago, thanks for reading for all these years. As my friend Orbala says, I laaaaa you!

P.S. The best birthday gift to me would be if someone swiftly kicked Abu Eesa in the crotch. Khoda hafiz.

notice.

I’ve taken up a lot, and I’m not as flexible these days. I’ll come and go in terms of posting, but I won’t be back entirely until May. Please don’t miss me =) the archives are here for your perusal. And, as always, my inbox is open.