I have not made any serious attempts to visit the moon, yet somehow yesterday when I encountered an ad that started, “You may never visit the moon, but…” I was like HOW DARE YOU.
In all seriousness, the very gentle and kind friends I have are enough to send me into space. I noticed a long time ago, that although this week I’ve spoken of an anxiety of losing control or self-determination, that’s not my real issue. I don’t feel this way with friends or situations I trust. I love letting go when I have faith in these.
Sometimes when we’re drained we consider rearranging our priorities. I’ve always thought this was the wrong question. Fortunately, I’ve never had the thought that I needed to put myself first, because when I begin to feel this way it’s a signal that I am not surrounded by those who bring out the best in me or who do the best for me. Too many believe they have issues relinquishing control when it is not a control issue: it’s a trust issue. They don’t trust that they will be taken care of just as they have cared for others. And that’s because they wouldn’t be. (And that’s when it’s time to walk away.) The people surrounding us should ease the harsh lines in our personalities, not exacerbate them. My faith is an integral part of myself, and I refuse to place myself with those who compromise who I am as a person.
I thank my friends for understanding me, not because they know me, but because I make sense to them. Aside from valentine’s I know the parts of my life I celebrate are unusual: I’ve never celebrated my own graduation or really my own birthdays, but I’ve celebrated having finished writing a novel, having walked away from a job that paid too little, having kept my roses alive for three weeks because this has been the longest I’ve gone without killing a plant. And I also celebrate friends who laugh when I simmer at how I’d just been told I’d never visit the moon. What a perfectly vicious thing to say to a person!
I saw an ad this morning for a bra that cannot be seen through a blouse. My response to a visible bra strap is always, “Good, it was expensive.” (These ‘targeted’ ads know nothing about me and have no manners.)