A Disappointing Day for America

Alas, the United States government has declared that mermaids do not exist, as TIME magazine writes maliciously in an article, “Sorry, Ariel, looks like you’ll never be part of our world.” It continues,

The U.S. National Ocean Service (NOS) made the firm announcement that mermaids do not exist. This announcement came in response to public inquiries into the NOS’ mermaid science program after a show about mythical creatures on the channel Animal Planet.

“No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found,” the NOS’s press release read, dispelling any rumors that “those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea” are anything more than legend […].

What is it with the US government unceasingly attacking my religious beliefs?! Obviously mermaids exist, or we would not be allowed to eat them.

15 thoughts on “A Disappointing Day for America

  1. Susan

    I don’t know how sure they can be when only 5% of the sea has been explored. I’ll believe in Mermaids until proven otherwise (Mermaids and their aquatic friends are my hobby :)). Thanks for relinking your previous post, I 100% agree! :)

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  2. Bah! Mermaids are nothing but a fairy tale! Unless you’re confusing them with the Deep Ones, who really do exist. The other day I was strolling beneath an eldritch gibbous moon, haunted by dreams of gibbering madness and visions of a gargantuan submarine temple, when what did I see but squamous batrachian figures shambling towards me under the ill-omened stars? A sign that the end of days is upon us, when dread Cthulhu shall rise from his millenia-long slumber at R’lyeh and awaken the Elder Gods. Then mankind’s fleeting reign shall be forever destroyed by the cataclysmic terror of the Old Ones! Ia! Ia! *dribble drool*

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  3. almostclever

    when i read this at Time the other day i immediately thought of u. lol!

    I’ve moved to a new web address, btw. Will give u link when it’s all set up.

    Like

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